The Occult Gifts

'I can't see your future, but luckily I'm very good with vague generalities and meaningless half truths.'

'The joy of 666'

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

Paranormal A-Z...

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Ill next Thursday

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

Madame Borigard: Reader of the Occult - Derivatives & Credit Default Swaps Explained

Amateur Palmist

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"So, is this a date with destiny?"

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"Double vision! Are you sure?"

Paranormal Fair: 'Closed due to unforeseen circumstances'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'The Dyslexic Demonologist'

Candle Size

"Stop trying to creep me out!"

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."