The Occult Gifts

'I can't see your future, but luckily I'm very good with vague generalities and meaningless half truths.'

'The joy of 666'

Paranormal A-Z...

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Are you interested in UFOs? Advanced life forms? Free medical screenings? Alternative underwear? Snacks and refreshments? Non-sexual turtles? Reverse pound cake? Science? Join us.

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Ill next Thursday

Madame Borigard: Reader of the Occult - Derivatives & Credit Default Swaps Explained

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Amateur Palmist

"So, is this a date with destiny?"

Paranormal Fair: 'Closed due to unforeseen circumstances'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Double vision! Are you sure?"

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

Spells. I love Wiccanpedia!

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."

"Stop trying to creep me out!"

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."