The Intellectual Gifts

Book Tailor

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Miss America IQ Pageant

Paul Ree

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"Have you been working out?"

"So, what are you reading?"

Philosopher trading cards.

Assertiveness

'"Einstein, Szilard, Teller, Oppenheimer...but you look through the Old Testament and through the Talmud, and there's not a word about physics."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Interview Dr. Witt for your esteemed journal? Of course, as soon as his play period is over.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Shakespeare Ave

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

Lost and Profound.

Jacques Lacan

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"Is it just me, or do these sculptural forms of light and shadow make you think about the ephemeral nature of life, the spirituality of the moment eclipsing our futile quest for cheese?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

Toni Morrison

George Santayana

"You're terrific, Katia. You think like 'The New York Review of Books' and look like 'Vogue.'"

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'