The Humorous Critic Pillows

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Art Critics.

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Rodin's Irish Judge

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

"I guess it's an OK job. Minimum wage plus all you can eat. I tried to quit once but couldn't get out the door."

"You'll be going home alone."