The Charming Clubber Pillows

'There's Connie Sinkway. She has quite the reputation for attracting younger men!'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Dancing at the Clubs.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"The club scene is really changing."

The Walk of Shame

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Hypnotoon

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Gentleman's Club Scene

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

Gorgeous Groovers.

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

His master's chill-out album

"It's been so long—it's like I'm only gay in theory."

American Express Credit Card

"No, I'm a transplant."

Rooster DJ scratches records during party.