Life's Final Clubber Pillows

"You're gonna love this place."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Dancing at the Clubs.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

The Walk of Shame

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Do kids eat free?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Gorgeous Groovers.

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"No, I'm a transplant."

American Express Credit Card

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'He uses the leg rope in the water and she uses it out of the water!'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'