Comedy Clubber Pillows

The wolves' annual convention had barely started when Betty began to heckle the speaker.

"We're running a bit short of time tonight, so let's skip the questions and go right to the answers."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

'Well, yes, Bob, I can see your point!'

"My guess is you've been telling too many sick jokes."

"How about one more round of 'God Bless America' before we bring out the naked broads."

American Express Credit Card

'I prefer realistic toasts.'

"No, I'm a transplant."

'Tortoise and the ne'er-do-well...'

"Thanks, guys! This is great! Room for my photos and credit car - Whoa! Hold on! This thing's genuine cowhide!"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

'When I grow up, I can't decide whether to go into consumer fraud or internet scam.'

'He's only hired to do the run. I still do the cool down.'

"OF COURSE I know when to stop - I pass out!!"

'Ok, don't talk to this guy! Larry told me not to trust the chicken in this place!'

Gangsta wrap.

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'I just heard the President's State of the Union Address, and I have to admit that it's a hard act to follow... and I say that as a stand-up comic!'

'It all started when I was teaching him the basics: Sit, stay, beg. But when I said speak...'

'The only good advice I got all day was from my GPS.'

'You drink like a fish.' - 'Yes, but I don't drink what fishes drink.'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'Well, our company has got a praiseworthy history. Dukes, Counts, members of the parliament, famous artists, leading industrialists... they already sued us!'

'...then the wolf fell into a vat of sheep-dip...but sheariously, folks...'

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.

'I got twenty years for abduction, what about you?'

Bud's Club...Where Buds, Bubs and Bros gather!

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Thanks you've been a great audience, especially the guy in the third row with the great laugh."

My dog spot will eat anything for $1.00

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."