Comedy Club Goers Pillows

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Does my address make me look fat?'

The secret world of Stephen Harper...

Zombie standup

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Do you know the way to San Jose without breaking into a Bacharach number?'

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"He looks just like your husband."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

"Would you like to try them out?"

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Hypnotoon

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'