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"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

The secret world of Stephen Harper...

Zombie standup

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"He looks just like your husband."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"Would you like to try them out?"

"Do kids eat free?"

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Hypnotoon

"Fish needs bigger hole."

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

Death Beggar