Casual Clubber Pillows

'You don't have to shout fore when you putt.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"How should we divide the teams?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"Do kids eat free?"

Man sitting on bank with pulling up fishing with sign from fish attached to hook: Gone fishin'.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

A man plays golf by the sea

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

The Walk of Shame

Sober Tooth Tiger

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

'Maybe we could hold the wedding on 'Casual Friday'.'

Gangsta wrap.

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

Gorgeous Groovers.

"No, I'm a transplant."

American Express Credit Card