The Charismatic Leader Gifts

"Well I, for one, find comfort in your God-like leadership."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Home depot."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Priest

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Guru.

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'Do you want to reschedule? Normally he has a magnetic personality, but today he seems to have reversed polarity.'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

OM, SWEET OM

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"