Charismatic Leader Gifts

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Home depot."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Priest

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Guru.

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm going on a retreat."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'Do you want to reschedule? Normally he has a magnetic personality, but today he seems to have reversed polarity.'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

"I've learned one thing: when an avalanche begins, get into the cave."

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Chill Out Worshippers!

OM, SWEET OM

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"