Thanksgiving Humor Lover Pillows

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

Obamacare Thanksgiving

Eat Morr Chikn

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Elfie Stick

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'He's got your nose.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

Christmas on Other Planets.

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"