Textual Investigator T-Shirts

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)