Text Detective T-Shirts

'Hey, Bill. When you're done deciphering that terror threat, can you help me figure my kid's text message?'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

The new Physics

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'I see you both texted that you never talk.'

Scouse For Beginners

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

Locking Up Crime

"I detect an accent – money?"

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"By the way, there is only one 'L' in 'over-qualified'."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

The Darknet starts right here.

"That book is kept downstairs in the Big Secret Important Book Room."

"Where's your section of books that tell you simple things you already know?"