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'Heaven forbid you need them, but this model's air bags are breast shaped.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

Early Exercise Machines

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Base jumper in squirrel suit sees splat shadow as he leaps from canyon wall.

"I've looked at their viewer profiles and if we watch this channel we'll be 20 years younger."

'Fantastic!Stupendous!Masterly!Mind blowing!Polished!Unbeatable!Amazing!Incredible! Out of this world!...a performance that's left me speechless.'

'What about the cholesterol?'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

Happiness

Ski-ball.

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

'So, were we entertained tonight, or just bludgeoned into submission?'

'Whoever said 'taking part is better than winning' was certainly a loser...'

"Of all the times to stall."

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."

Cosmic Ray

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'When it comes to skiing, Edwin doesn't seem to know the word 'patience'.'

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

Clipping

"Your cousin Hernando is such a handful! He's been walking ever since he was ten months old!"

'Hey we just hit our sales goal...for 1978.'

I live for SPEED!

"Am I not being funny enough?"

Perpetual Motion.

People rushing to buy a book form a book store