Terroir Tickler Gifts

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Concert Pianist.

Piano Recital

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

Jerry Lordan

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

Keyboard player

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

Where baby grand pianos come from.

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

Beware of Watchdog.

Emmanuel Ax

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."

"I am trying to keep it low key."

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

'Piano Player'

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

'No-one can avoid cuts!'

Piano Shop.

Trolley Rage.

Organ Player

"I've never been so insulted in my life! If my arms could reach, I'd slap your face!"