Terminology Tinkerers Gifts

'Cricket's a nice game, but why so short?'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

Painting the Ceiling

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

Early cyborg.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Sale! Weed Whackers

Gadget geek.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

The Not-So Smart Meter

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.