Tentacle Typist Gifts

'I had no idea you were upper-middle left tentacled.'

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

A relevant sign for the shopkeeper's predicament.

The origins of bullet points.

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

The most important part of your job application. Font selection.

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

"Reviving the old all type, eh?"

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

An old-fashioned printer using an Albion press.

"I live in dread of being mistaken for an undersea energy cable."

Tentacle attacking diver.

Homes of the font designers

'Brother Mendel, I loved reading your Christmas letter!'

"Hey! That JERK you just passed is giving us THE TENTACLE!"

'With all this fuss should we buy a typewriter in case we get raided?'

"This is a very bad sign!"

'Shoot! I left a bunch of @#&%@!!** typographical symbols around here somewhere!'

'Have you considered your x-height?'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

'Your resume is certainly memorable. You used a different font for every other word you wrote.'

"Whoa! Check out the kerning on that!"

'I see you've used the typeface my ex-wife used when she faxed to tell me she had run off with her ski instructor...'