Tentacle Typist Gifts

'I had no idea you were upper-middle left tentacled.'

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

Octopi a la mode.

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

A relevant sign for the shopkeeper's predicament.

The origins of bullet points.

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

The most important part of your job application. Font selection.

Ignore that guy - He thinks he deserves attention because he's italicized. I.

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"Reviving the old all type, eh?"

I've given up on my youthful dreams of having a big income, a big house and a big car. At this point, I've settled for having a BIG FONT.

An old-fashioned printer using an Albion press.

"I live in dread of being mistaken for an undersea energy cable."

Homes of the font designers

Tentacle attacking diver.

'Brother Mendel, I loved reading your Christmas letter!'

"This is a very bad sign!"

I confess, I'm one of the bloggers that's hurting the journalism business. You? I blog stories about my local community. You have journalistic training? Of course. I've spent years watching Shepard Smith and Montel Williams. The visitor wept with respect. Shoot me.

'Shoot! I left a bunch of @#&%@!!** typographical symbols around here somewhere!'

"Hey! That JERK you just passed is giving us THE TENTACLE!"

'Have you considered your x-height?'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

'With all this fuss should we buy a typewriter in case we get raided?'

'Your resume is certainly memorable. You used a different font for every other word you wrote.'

"Whoa! Check out the kerning on that!"