Tenant Philosopher Pillows

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"I rented out the basement."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Saguaro Cacti.

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

The ethics professor weeding his garden.

"We need to be careful."

Bug to bug: 'Do you think there is life on other plants?'

Planets in solar system form a New World Order.

It's either an intriguing and witty reflection upon the creation of concepts out of an absence of substance...or he's missed his bus.

Turtle Eviction

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'No, now I'm just fighting inbox inequality."

Rumors of war...rumors of peace.

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."