Tenant Pillows

'We're just renting, with an option to skip town in the middle of the night.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with signing a long term lease.'

'The lease says, 'No Pets'! Chickens ain't pets!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

"You can hear this?"

"Nowadays we all have to make sacrifices and 2500 bucks a month for this beautiful two-room apartment is really not too much to ask."

"Flat-U-Lease!"

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Turtle Eviction

Tenant who has finished off his landlord's expensive liqueur

"These 'poor doors' are getting out of hand."

"You do realize you're not getting your security deposit back, right?"

"Mr Robinson Crusoe? Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to pay rent in arrears for the time you spent shipwrecked on the island."

Man on Island

"The flat I rented from you is a pig-sty!"

Property Management (Scam) Company

"I don't want to live in the street."

"When you signed the rental agreement, I don't think you read the small print."

"Mam, it's Mr. Lowry, the rentman."

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Hey, the landlad is here to fix the sink."

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

ROOM FOR RENT: 'Bathroom privileges are another $20. a month...'

"I rented out the basement."

Rather Awkward!

Tenants and Landlords - Past Midnight

The Boarding-House

"We need to be careful."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I know it's gassy...'