Tenancy Pillows

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'This part was tenure.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

"I rented out the basement."

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

"We need to be careful."

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

Turtle Eviction

"I've been evicted."

"Well, I admire your resilience."

On Summer Recess See U Soon!

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"I never thought I'd have to move back in with my parents."

"No, you're not getting too old for school."

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

Apartment construction.

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

'The lease says, 'No Pets'! Chickens ain't pets!'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"Nowadays we all have to make sacrifices and 2500 bucks a month for this beautiful two-room apartment is really not too much to ask."

"The flat I rented from you is a pig-sty!"

"Ooooh, she's tall! Good! Come in! I'll put away the flame thrower."