Patient Philosopher Pillows

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Next cartoon - 5 minutes...

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

George Orwell

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"So that's where you were last night."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Okay - who leaked?'

'Bored?'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Rodin's 'The Thinker' imagines himself as Rodin's 'The Kiss'.

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"Look on the dark side."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

The War Against Imagination

"Maybe he's waving and drowning."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'