Tempo Tester Gifts

'I realize this is an advances aerobics class, but I still don't think we're ready to work out to 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'!'

"My husband says I'm a procrastinator. I plan to look it up on day."

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

Bad times to sneeze

Rust test in progress.

'I'd say you're a little late...'

Graph to find your IQ

'Either play faster or get out the band.'

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

Product Testing Department

'The new helium airbag was a mistake.'

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

'They're not like popsickles, Sir. . . they're just too warm and syrupy.'

Sigh. … I wish I had that kind of energy.

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

New Belief Systems

Angel and Devil Music.

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

Shaker Timeouts

"What do you mean 'superior intelligence'? Who was the first to conquer space travel?"

Valentine's Day texting

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'So how was work, Honey?'

'Now I know why this Satnav was going out cheap.'

Two boys rehearsing,

"So typical. Hurry up and wait."

At the Flip-Flop Quality Control Center.

So typical. Hurry up and wait.

"You're the perfect man for our production test lab, sir!"

Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.

Product Testing: Nicotine and Cosmetics.

A woman runs a crash test dummy in a shopping cart.