Telling Stories T-Shirts

"Have you ever thought about climbing the highest mountain?"

'Yes, doctor, I'm sure his temperature is three hundred and fifty.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."