Storytelling T-Shirts

"Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders."

"We should make it past the rocks by nightfall, provided our luck holds."

'It's all here in teh fine print. You're not covered against huffing and puffing.'

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

A vampire in a canoe.

"It's true. You were actually born a beautiful princess, but you were given to us to be brought up... and there's not a damned thing you can do about it!"

"Look, making you happy is out of the question, but I can give you a compelling narrative for your misery."

Young Stephen King

"That's strange. I remember it differently, in a way that aligns with my world view and casts me in a positive light."

"Like that?"

"Did the three pigs have enough insurance to rebuild their home?"

"And this is one of me in the 3:30 at Doncaster"

"Enough storyboarding. Let's shoot something."

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

Sisypus taking a lunch break from pushing his boulder uphill.

Dating in Oz

"Tell us that really scary story again... the one about how they make chicken nuggets!"

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself, while both Hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

'What makes you feel that you, and you alone, can save the world?'

'There's a gastroenterologist in my closet.'

'...and that concludes this five-hour seminar on 'slow life'.'

"You realize that if you eat that, you'll get marketing emails for the rest of your life."

"And that's when he realized he wasn't on the partner track at all!"

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

"The Icarus story is just that- a story."

"He's got the ball, he's at the 30, the 20, the 10, he's running past the end zone, he's leaving the stadium..."

"Rumble. . . rumble. . . the strange noise was getting louder. . ."

"Psssst! Jimmy, wake up man! I think you're having a nightmare!"

Octopus Lady

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

"Perhaps He Was Too Close To The Situation, But Aesop Failed To See Any Goddamned Moral To The Story Of The Goddamned Birds Eating His Goddamned Tomatoes Again . . ."

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

'What, no on-board movie?'

"It's plotted out. I just have to write it."

The First Writer and Editor: 'Take out that part?! Are you nuts? How is the stampede scene at the end of the cave going to make sense without it?!'