Television Production Buff Gifts

"Lenny, you've been called the king of sleaze, the biggest jerk in the universe, a big sack of garbage. But tell us: Who's the real Lenny Lewis?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Applause

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Senior Jeopardy!

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Homo Zapiens

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

Tunnel of TV

Next camera crew 5 mins

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"True crime meets reality TV"