Television Production Buff Gifts

"Lenny, you've been called the king of sleaze, the biggest jerk in the universe, a big sack of garbage. But tell us: Who's the real Lenny Lewis?"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Cut!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Applause

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Senior Jeopardy!

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

Homo Zapiens

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Next camera crew 5 mins

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Tunnel of TV

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"True crime meets reality TV"