Telescope Aficionado Gifts

Eye test telescope.

"Doc, I think I may have a telescope stuck in my eye."

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Stargazing sure is less painful at night."

100 best beheadings

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"He's an indoor cat."

"It's nowhere near as far away as we thought!"

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

Couch and Potato

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.