Telescope Aficionado Gifts

Eye test telescope.

"Doc, I think I may have a telescope stuck in my eye."

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

100 best beheadings

"Stargazing sure is less painful at night."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"He's an indoor cat."

"It's nowhere near as far away as we thought!"

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Couch and Potato

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."