Teleprompter Commentator Pillows

'...and the outrageous thing is Obama has a teleprompter tell him what to say!...And we need more tax cuts for the rich!...And we need more tax cuts for the rich!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Tree of Public Opinion.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Expressions of mystery.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"This is gonna be great!"

Chess on TV

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

Sportscasters on the Savannah