Telephone Troubleshooter Gifts

'Hello, incontinence helpline, can you hold?'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Suddenly, the line went dead.

'Hello, Police?...I want to report a Stalker!'

NHS 111

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Tossing computer into canyon.

Computer Expert

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Torn-Off Mouse.

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

'I think the mouse is playing-up again love.'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

Recalculating

'Do you have 4G up here?'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Tech support...can I help you!