Telephone Troubleshooter Gifts

'Hello, incontinence helpline, can you hold?'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Suddenly, the line went dead.

What's wrong, little buddy? My phone. I registered a new domain name the other day, but I didn't want to pay the extra $5 to make the ownership private. Ever since, people have been calling my cell every five minutes trying to sell me stuff. That's so slimy! What domain name did you register? Eploitrr.com. I registered that so I could sell stuff to people who mistyped while they were trying to reach exploiterr.com. Nothing like a good, honest living.

For several years, intelligent beings from outer space have been circling earth. They've tried to make contact but haven't been able to get through corporate phone trees, bad cell reception, clogged voicemail boxes, but, after years of cold-calling numbers, a breakthrough! Hello, thank you for calling. Hello! This is Zork. Hello Zork. How may I help you? I am from another galaxy. I'm making first contact. Wonderful. Wherever you're from, we can work with you. Let's start with your zip code. My z

'Hello, Police?...I want to report a Stalker!'

NHS 111

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Tossing computer into canyon.

Computer Expert

Torn-Off Mouse.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'I think the mouse is playing-up again love.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

Recalculating

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Do you have 4G up here?'