Telemarketing Survivor Gifts

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'We've had to set-up a Call Centre to handle all our nuisance calls.'

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"Yes, I'd like to be placed on the Do Not Call list. Also, happy birthday Mom."

"It's a robocall, should I take it?"

'If it isn't double glazing it's a ruddy call centre from India!'

"Hi this is Mario...is this Sergio Bermudez? Are you interested in buying..."

"Must resist...phone allure...of bilingual telemarketers!"

"To be honest I thought Hades would be Hellfire, Brimstone and eternal suffering....but this is way worse!!"

"Yes, I keep a landline. Getting up 50 times a day to answer telemarketers keeps me in shape."

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

"Car insurance?? - No thanks!"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"No, he's not on any antidepressants. His euphoric mood is coming from me installing a robocall blocker on his phone."

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Waiting for some customers to call?"

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Vending machine says: 'No telemarketers will call' 50c.

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Grandma takes our telemarketer calls.'

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'I need time to consider your fabulous offer - Give me your number and I'll call you back tomorrow night at dinner.'

'This call may be monitored for training purposes, and you'll understand why when the tech can't answer your questions.'

"I think you'll want to talk to this telemarketer. He's selling a phone device that prevents other telemarketers from calling."

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

'For our staff's amusement, this call may be recorded.'