Telemarketer Survivor Pillows

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"... and the sales call was coming from inside the house!"

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Aladdin and the magic telemarketer lamp. Your first 3 wishes are free!* *By accepting wishes, user agrees to lifetime monthly charges, activation fees, and all applicable taxes.

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"No, he's not on any antidepressants. His euphoric mood is coming from me installing a robocall blocker on his phone."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"Is that a finger?"

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Cold caller.

"Sell AI"

"You. . . may. . . already. . . be. . . a . . . winner. . ."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"Do you mean am I busy busy?"

Call Center.

'Honey, this the start of a fantastic career! Lunchtime is over and I still haven't been fired!'

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

'Hold on, he's back again.'