Teetotal Champions Pillows

'Wrong address I'm afraid - I've been on the wagon for 25 years.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

The Amateur Golfer

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'You've got lot toe!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

King of the Swingers.

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

A Guilty Conscience.

"Well that's the first time I've ever seen a divot in one."

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Alcoholics Antonymous

A Volunteer Review