Teetotal Champions Pillows

'Wrong address I'm afraid - I've been on the wagon for 25 years.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

The Amateur Golfer

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'You've got lot toe!'

The Janopause

"You talkin' to me?"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

King of the Swingers.

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

A Guilty Conscience.

"Well that's the first time I've ever seen a divot in one."

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

"Actually, I'm a practising teetotaller. I just haven't got the hang of it yet."

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Alcoholics Antonymous

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'