Teenage Years Embarkment Gifts

'Why do you want an earring? You can't even see it!'

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'I'm trying to get my competence and my confidence in the same place.'

'Beware of the teenager.'

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

No cell phones, tv or internet for a week. It's creepy. What's that annoying sound? Silence? It's awful. I can hear myself think!

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

You Know You're Old When...

Tunnel of Spotty Wi-Fi

"You don't look much like a werewolf."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"Yeah, I've noticed it too: Young Master's smell has changed a lot since he's become a teenager..."

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"Hi - Mom? Going to Kayla's house? Thanks!"

'… and another thing … the only reason you know it's my birthday to begin with, is because we were all born on the same day!'

It's so quiet. Listen to the sounds of nature! Pound pound thump. Pound thunk. Human nature.

"If you're going to drink, we'd rather you do it in the house where we can party with you."

'You've failed to reach your performance targets,we'll have to let you go.'

'My parents wanted to take me to the dentist. I said I was big enough to go by myself.'

'Mom, I don't care how high in fiber they are. Broccoli flakes are going to fail as a breakfast cereal.'

'By the time I was your age , I'd already run away from home TWICE!'

Is it true kids your age lie 14 times a day? That's outrageous! Yeah, mom. It's sooo off. Good to hear! 14 seems high to me. 8 sounds right.

The pop-up book of fighters

"Hello, police? I'd like to report some suspicious activity. A youth without a phone in his hand."