Teenage Texter Pillows

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'I'm not doing well in Chemistry - I'm out of my element.'

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

Modern Kids.

"Allowance?! Yeah, if you take out the trash, I'll allow you to keep living here."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'Oi son, you're not going out dressed like that.'

"My best friend is my phone."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."