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"Check it out! Chest hair!"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

Hoody Woodpecker.

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

"RUN! Here comes the long arm of the law!"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

'Does this mean you're grounded?'

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

"Who made this mess?"

"Seriously! My mother says she remembers when all you could do with a cell phone was make calls."

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

So what if the school took a webcam picture of a kid at home? Emily? They're spying! It's totally over the line! What line?

"A banana Grace left in my room four weeks ago."

"Lesson number one about the birds and the bees. . . it doesn't take nine months to download a baby."

Newton discovers puberty

I'm being cyberbullied. No way. Someone posted my face with a Justin Bieber haircut. Chillax, dude. The hot girls did it to half of the guys in our class. It's cyber flirting. Wow! Glad I wasn't left out.

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

"Ipod, playstation, trainers,clothes, why couldn't you get me something really useful like condoms?!

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

Poetry corner: junior high edition

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

Introduce yourself to the new girl. Ok. I hope she doesn�t have some wacky, ethnic name. Be nice. Um�Hi! My name's Twig. Twig? What kind of wacky, ethnic name is that?