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"Check it out! Chest hair!"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

'Does this mean you're grounded?'

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

"Who made this mess?"

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"Sergio, you know I don't snoop...but I was in Baldo's room this morning...and I found this."

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"Seriously! My mother says she remembers when all you could do with a cell phone was make calls."

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

"A banana Grace left in my room four weeks ago."

"Lesson number one about the birds and the bees. . . it doesn't take nine months to download a baby."

Newton discovers puberty

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

Poetry corner: junior high edition

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

'These teenagers - when will they learn to lie around and do nothing all day?'