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"Seriously! My mother says she remembers when all you could do with a cell phone was make calls."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"Let's just do the top layer."

SAGE (unknown model)

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

"Yeah, I tried beaver once too, but I didn't like the woody after-taste..."

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don

"They have been in a terrible mood these days. You know how painful it is when they start developing legs."

'Copy and study this list of text message spelling words. We will have test tomorrow.'

'Let's not jump into this.'

Late night? I don't know what you are talking about! Come on, Twig. You can tell me. My mom is giving me a hard time. About? She's freaking just because I started

"How come you never get the kind of granola with the chocolate chips in it?"

'He's not really shy - just a bad skater.'

Word up!

Dick Strawbridge

'I can't stand the Three Stooges!' , 'Oh, an anti-Shempite, eh?'

"Wow, that was short. You only talked for 45 minutes. What happened?"

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

When I wet the bed at my first sleepover? Worse. When I asked what they served at the bar at Josh's Bar Mitzvah? Worse. I give up. What humiliating experience did you just endure? Shudder. My mom said she's taking me bra shopping. At least you need to go bra shopping.

"A banana Grace left in my room four weeks ago."

'Baggy jeans are ideal for walking through puddles, your majesty.'

"We were hoping for something other than 'Whatever' as answers to our survey questions."

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

'My mum's just given me a positive talk about sex...'

Health class is such a waste! Why would anyone want to have a baby if they can't take care of it? Hold that thought!

Should I wear my good sweater and skirt or

Thoughts and Prayers