Technophobe Tickler Pillows

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"He said his screen is frozen again."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

The guy who took a wrong turn off the electronic superhighway and wound up in a microwave oven in Davenport, Iowa.

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Pensioners and Phones

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

"Some people are reluctant to accept change."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"Technology moving too fast."

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."