Tech-savvy Individual Gifts

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"How would I begin solving the problem? By using a calculator."

'How dare you suggest that our phone system is out of date.'

"At least you were replaced by a worker in India. I was replaced by a robot!"

"Our latest technological leap allowed us to automate our full operation, become carbon-neutral, and keep all our employees."

'I'm getting sleepy. Can you text me the remainder of the story?'

'Oh no, how will I be able to Instagram this?'

"Unfortunately I can't take your call as I have call display and I don't want to talk to you."

'I know junk e-mail is everywhere but spam on toast?'

In the Old Days Disabling Comments Was Easy.

"Trick or Tweet!"

"My computer crashed so I couldn't access your blog to get my assignment."

'Carrying an attache case is so retro. I carry a flash drive.'

"In the olden days, these things were used to store your contact details."

"Yes, I did say I wanted a TV mounted on the wall. But, I was referring to a new, light flat screen."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

"If you take one more selfie this job interview is over."

Things that never, EVER happen

"He must be a smart phone executive."

Miserable selfie

"Mom, to protect my security I have to ask you to change your maiden name."

"Don't be sad, Artie. We'll follow you on Twitter."

"It's kind of strange lying to you face-to-face instead of on Skype."

"I just can't be with someone who's never been digitized."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"My son, using 'Reply All' is not a sin."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

Siri, delete every notice that contains the word "inauguration."

A guide to glasses.

We're replacing you with a machine

'The boss took note of my hi-tech abilities. He said if I were an e-mail, he'd delete me.'

An Abundance of Cables.

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

"No! I'm not doing your taxes! Again!"