Tech Jargon Jokes Pillows

"I've got tech support. I'm on hold for tech support translator."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"You are still here."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"He's been using the new virtual reality data viewer and climbing bar graphs..."

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

Robot Robber

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

Pollsters

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

"So you are the data protection supervisor of the German government?"

'Hey Bob, this trampoline doesn't seem to work...'

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"Are we sure this is how we get our workloads into the cloud?"

I hate getting ready for Y1K.

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

'My backup special...'

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

"Bloody GPS-plotter is going silly again!"

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'