Computer Jargon Comedian Pillows

"I never open up more than two windows on my computer because I don't want there to be a draft. I might catch a cold."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Screen Time vs Book Time

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

Fenton G. Gonklemeyer, Computer Scientist - Booted Up 1928 and Crashed 2009.

Terry had a computer bug.

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

Hardware and software

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

Chef copy robot

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

'Now where's my Tibbles got to?'

I've always been slower than computers...

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

"Lost drone! Reward! Goes by the name of 'Phantom 3'."

'It's a snow mobile.'

"... And in the event of a sudden change in cabin pressure, please tweet with the hashtag #FeelinTheBreeze."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?