Tech Irony Enthusiast Gifts

Manual automation in the office.

'They say he's the very last person on Facebook...'

Scandal about listening on Facebook

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"You are still here."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"He was much more effective in the field."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

"Are we sure this is how we get our workloads into the cloud?"

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

'Try rebooting.'

Amish personal mobility scooter

Spam on the Menu at Internet Cafe.

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."