Tech Enthusiast Who Loves Irony Pillows

'Forest fire or Twitter feeds - you tell me?'

Hiding the electronics.

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"You are still here."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

Robot Robber

AI Summit

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"Are we sure this is how we get our workloads into the cloud?"

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"'Page Not Found' always sounds a little 'careless'. Maybe we could replace it with 'Page Temporarily Engaged in Promoting Alternative Client Focused Services'."

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

"Frankly, you seem a little fleshy for our team."

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

All right, you may tell me about your internet startup idea. It's revolutionary. You know how the only way to tell if you stink is to sniff your armpit? Continue … and you know how embarrassing it is when people you know catch you sniffing your own armpit? Continue ... and you know how apps like "Uber" let you summon total strangers to drive by and provide you a service? Stop right there.

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"Do I use Google Maps driving or walking directions?"

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

'Try rebooting.'

Amish personal mobility scooter

Computer...Computee