Automation Irony Enthusiast Pillows

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Robots can't take away your job, Khanna. No one knows what you do."

"He was much more effective in the field."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"It's a bill."

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

'Try rebooting.'

"We're tolerably self sufficient. Alistair, for example, makes all our own petrol."

"You can just leave it on that crag, thanks."

'Don't be silly, Ralph...of course you're not being replaced by a computer...you're being replaced by an electric paper shredder.'

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

"To think this all began with letting Autocomplete finish our sentences."

"You should have been here last week. This is clean coal."

Canadian Visa Application

The buck stops here briefly, then goes on its merry way

Scandal about listening on Facebook

'You say here you're eager to 'push the envelope.' Great! We'll place you in the mail room.'

Staff care...DOH style!

'Sir, we're a real team! None of us knows how to do things right!'