Tech Assistant Gifts

'Don't worry. She probably just needs help with her computer.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

Tech support...can I help you!

"What the hell sort of convenient new feature is this?"

Natural Stupidity is no match for Artificial Intelligence.

"Computer Help Line? I think something bad has happened to my hard drive!"

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

I'd rather be phishing.

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

"We've been hacked by our enemies! Is there anyone who know something about computers?"

"My phone won't fold but the manufacturer did."

The HR department at the tech company allowed Randy the use of their therapy robot.

'Hi, your IT section sent me to test the network sockets.'

"I worry about the parents when I'm off to college. They're totally dependent on me for IT support."

"Are you George or his AI replacement?"

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'

Oughta reply

"We can have your drone here fixed in a day or. . . if it sits still."

I believe it's all done now by a microchip in Milton Keynes.