Tearful Officiant Gifts

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Onion Tears

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"You forgot to say ‘and they lived happily ever after.'"

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

'I hate chick flicks!' 'Sniff...me too...'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

I think the couch potatoes are going to make you their poster boy. Only if they send a photographer over --- I'm not moving.

'Oh Yeah ... That's the Ex.'

'Seem the remote?'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"No, there's nothing wrong. I just took a shortcut through the onions."

Sad Songs.

Disagreeing with the ref's decision.

Romantic Comet

'And after I've tucked you in, I'll read you a nice bedtime story.'

Disorganized Religion

"So there’s no way to take her off desk duty?”

'Looks like another tear jerker.'

"No, you can't go back for your sports magazine's swimsuit issue."

"Stop, you'll make me cry."

'I knew it was easy, but I didn't realize it was ILLEGAL to take candy from a baby.'

'A contact magazine-any contact magazine and hurry!'

'Mind you, if they're any good at cricket or rugby they'll be more than welcome.'

Didn't you get my memo?