Team Member Pillows

'Individually we could do nothing. So we formed a committee which determined nothing could be done.'

'It's absolutely important to work together as close as possible. Got me?'

"Here is the one pager we all agreed on..."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'

Welcome to Teamville, Population: 7 ... great people to work with.

"Imagination is a quality value in colleagues... but not in our accountant."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Staff support"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"