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'That's the last time I take 3B!'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'He's the teacher's pet. She keeps him in a cage in the back of the class.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

Achilles often feared that his weakness would be discovered.

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'

'Sir, one question... When will we know if we've run-out of invisible ink?'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'Congratulations, it's a boy!'

The intellectual and the wise

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

"It was a time when men regularly performed great feats of valor but were rarely in touch with their feelings."

'Jason and the vodkasnorts'

'Tonight there's a small, select meeting of the P.T.A - just you, me and the Head!'

Gesundheit! Your allergies to chalk acting up again, Ms. Weatherspoon?

T-Rex Basketball

"Sometimes I think they're worse than the students on the last day of school."

Dragons eating a knight - 'Once you get the shell off they're delicious!'

Genetically enhanced height

'I told you you'd got Jimmy's homework wrong.'

Edward the Overtall

Rumor has it that he left his heart in San Francisco.

"I thought I'd get a much warmer reception."

"Is eight too young to retire from school?"

"Oh Miss Rosales, you forgot to assign us homework!"

"He's such a brown-noser. He gave the teacher an apple and a carrot."

'You and your 'let's go joint the Neighbourhood Watch patrol'!'

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's listening to teachers whine about their conditions."

"But enough about my son. Let's talk about you."