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'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

Fishing Tales

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Well did he?"

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

A Salmon Lie

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"That's not what I said."

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

Elvis going to the 'House of 1/4 pounders near the 'House of gingerbread'

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

A Tale of the Sea

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

"If you wish to see your artwork displayed, don't forget your bio."

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."