Teaching Tales Enthusiast Pillows

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

Fishing Tales

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Well did he?"

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

A Salmon Lie

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"That's not what I said."

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

"If you wish to see your artwork displayed, don't forget your bio."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

A Tale of the Sea

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

'Women don't simply believe everything we hear, you know.' - 'But that does not stop you repeating it.'