Teacher's Helper Gifts

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

Thank you, Essential Workers

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Teacher's pet dog

Child doing the washing up

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

'How are you doing on your side?'

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

"May I have your attention please???" "NO!!!"

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

Those who can, those who can't.

"I've never heard of a PE teacher giving football homework."